Testimony/when I got ‘saved’ the first time: I must first state that I do not have perfect memory of every single detail so it is not 100% accurate. But what happened is true.
When I was 3 years old, I was angry at something my mom had done, or maybe it was something my sisters had done. I am not sure what exactly it was because I was too young. Regardless of the trigger, my anger grew (also known as: the toddler temper tantrum). Eventually, I packed up a handkerchief (with what, I do not know) and ‘ran away’ from my house with my neighbor friend who was with me. We got as far as the bushes just past my backyard when we heard my mom’s authoritative and concerned voice behind us from the deck of my house. At that time and age the distance we had gone had seemed so far away, but in reality it was maybe 30 yards. I turned around at the tone of her voice and I knew I was now in trouble. She yelled for us to return home right away. I am not sure if I hesitated or threw a tantrum stating that I was running away from home. However, my next memory is of me on my bed and my mom sitting next to me. I was crying or had just finished crying. I probably got a spanking as well.
My mom was talking to me about disobeying her and how by my doing so that I had also hurt Jesus’ feelings. I disobeyed Him too! I was devastated! (Looking back now I would call that ‘conviction’ and maybe even some ‘fear of the Lord’.) My mom went on to ask me if I would like to live for Him and invite Him into my heart. I wanted to and so, right there, sitting on my bed, after being caught and facing the consequences of my disobedience, I prayed with my mom asking Jesus to forgive me and inviting Him to live inside of me forever!
As a 3 year old, some might claim that the simplicity of my prayer was not salvation to the fullest extent and the sincerity in my heart was not completely legitimate. And, that is partially true; I did not know what I was saying…I didn’t know what all of it meant exactly. But honestly, sitting here, thinking back on it, at the age of 23, I still do not understand it fully. I just know that I really meant what I prayed to Jesus that day. I know that He heard my weak, little prayer. I know that He accepted my childlike faith and belief in Him at that moment. I know that He forgave me and cleansed me. I know that He drew close to me and started living in me from that day onward.
My prayers today, are still prayers of salvation, in that I almost daily ask Jesus to forgive me and invite Him to take over my life. I daily surrender to Him and ask for help all the time. But as far as the sincerity in my heart not being legitimate, I do not believe that at all. My memory is nowhere near perfect but I can remember the pain I felt when I realized that I had hurt Jesus. Yes at 3 years old, I am human and all of us have gone astray. Just thinking about that moment hurts my heart because I was so broken over that. When I prayed that prayer to Jesus I was not simply repeating words from my mom. I meant it and believed it. I felt different and lighter after I finished praying. I received His forgiveness and mercy and salvation. I even remember, from that day on, thinking about Him and talking to Him in my thoughts.
I wish I knew the exact day that this happened, but I always think it’s around this time of year. My birthday is about a month away. I don’t remember there being any snow on the ground when we ran away, so maybe it was summer or spring. Regardless of the date or season, I consider that to be the first day of my salvation. Yes, I was only 3 years old. Yes, I made the decision, not because my mom told me to, but because I felt the conviction and I didn’t like the icky feeling. Even at the young age of 3, I believe that my prayer was legitimate and serious before the Lord. I believe He accepted it and has held me accountable to it ever since. He answered my request for Him to live in me that day. Yes, it is a daily thing of asking Him to save me and the Bible even encourages us to be saved daily (Philippians 2:12 “Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear.”)
Many might say that kids cannot think or feel on their own until they are at least 10-12 years old, before then they do not grasp the conviction and detrimental effects that sin has on our lives. I beg to differ. Jesus even tells us to be like little children every day. (Matthew 18:3 “Then he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.”) Child-like faith is what will help us through salvation every day. Why? Because it just sounds too good/easy to be true to us most of the time. But when kids hear something put simply, they believe it without hesitation. They trust easily. They believe easily. This is a pretty scary thought sometimes but, I so want to be like a child again. Wisdom and discernment are of course necessary. However, to just believe and not doubt, that is one of the most freeing feeling in the world.
Anyway, not sure what exactly my point is in this post. Lately I have just been remembering (trying to remember) my childhood and where God was in the midst of it all. I have been asking questions like: “Holy Spirit, did You speak to me when I was little? When did You start speaking to me? Jesus did I love You when I was little? Did my little love count? Etc.
I have been having a great time in this conversation with my Heavenly Father about this and I want to encourage you all to do the same! He so wants to talk to us and reveal Himself to us. Be blessed and be like a child again, I dare you! :)
~Emily :)
